Clichéd and Stolen Titles: an Author’s Worst Sin (Next to Plagiarism, that is)

Book titles are important.
That is my only point.

Interesting titles can encourage people to read a novel, but bad titles can cause people to overlook a novel, at best (at worst, it could push someone to write a discourse similar to what you are now reading). If I notice that a novel’s title is an unimaginative cliché, I won’t bother to even read the synopsis, much less the novel itself. If the title is poor, should I expect anything better from the novel itself (I have read exceptions, but in a broad sense, this is true)?

The clichéd title trend disturbs me. Even worse, some authors actually steal titles from classic literature or use well-known quotes. I would love to ask a few authors: “Who do you think you are using a Shakespeare quote for the title of your crappy mystery novel?” just to see how they would defend themselves. Now, I admit that the first story I ever completed (not including the ones I wrote in elementary and middle school) had a clichéd title: 'Victim of Circumstance.' I recognize my error. It’s easy after writing a story to settle for something that quickly comes to mind and leave it at that.

One obvious problem when using a cliché for a title is that other books (and maybe even movies, computer games, diarrhea medicines, etc.) probably have the same exact title. I’ve seen at least five “Flash Point”s by as many authors, and the same goes for “Trial and Error,” “Pandora’s Box,” “Chain Reaction,” ad infinitum. Imagine this scenario: you’re at a party conversing with an interesting girl. She says that she recently read a great novel called “Shock Wave.” You read a novel of the same name just last week, and you tell her as much. As your conversation continues, you soon realize that the “Shock Wave” your acquaintance refers to is a gothic-erotic-vampire-thriller of the sadomasochistic variety (only sold in 'specialty' bookstores). The one you just read, however, is an historical fiction novel about the Thirty-Years War. You have nothing at all in common with her, and despite the fact that she’s beautiful, you halt the conversation and run to your car, fearing for your life. All of this could have been avoided if the authors had decided to be creative and think up fresh titles. Don't worry, I don't even understand the logic of that last statement, but for the sake of my argument, let us pretend that it makes perfect sense.

Perhaps it is a combination of laziness and an inability to be creative that pushes authors to resort to clichéd titles. Stuart Woods in his condo by the beach: “It’s time for me to face the facts: my career is almost over. I’m one hundred twelve years old, barely lucid enough to string a sentence together without help, and only old ladies read my books anyway. I’m dead in the water for sure. Yeah, that’s what I’ll call my new book: ‘Dead in the Water.’ I really just don’t care anymore.”

Anne Kelleher contemplates the completion of her latest novel: “Hmm, well, I guess it’s finished, for better or worse. Thank goodness for editors who know how to improve this poppycock. Now what about a title? Let me look at my bookshelf here. Well, there’s a good title: The Once and Future King, by T.H. White. Way over my reading level, but still . . . my book is about a guy who once loved a woman, and later in the book he loves her again. Yes! I’ll call it ‘The Once and Future Love!’ Breathtaking! Fabulous! I’m so very, very clever!” Curse you Anne, and may your putrid romance novels mildew and rot on the bookshelves of your witless fans.

The foremost transgressors are popular romance and mystery authors who write for people who buy paperbacks at airports between flights and don’t really care what they read as long as they read something. Looking over my booklist, I only spotted two clichéd titles, so it seems that I’m working well to avoid them. Am I making this more of an issue than it is? Sure, but it’s fun. Here are a few examples of this grave sin:

Clichéd titles:
Hide and Seek, Ian Rankin
Cruel and Unusual Punishment, Tamar Myers
Guilt by Association, Gilbert Morris
The Quiet Game, Greg Iles
Open and Shut, David Rosenfelt
Mistaken Identity, Lisa Scottoline
Cry Wolf, Tami Hoag
White Lies, Linda Howard
Balance of Power, James W. Huston
Desperate Measures, Kate Wilhelm
Winner Takes All, Nora Roberts
Every freakin’ travesty that James Patterson has ever written

Stolen titles:
Paradise Lost, J.A. Jance
Perchance to Dream, Robert B. Parker
Once and Future Love, Anne Kelleher
I’ve seen a few more, but I think I’ve made my point, so I’ll stop now.